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Under the… sunny weather

on July 25, 2012

Been feeling a bit under the weather last week. Got a summer cold of sorts, but as I got pneumonia in May, I am feeling a bit more concerned in case it develops further. Last time, I didn’t go to the doctors until I could hardly walk!

Other than that I have had a good few days… starting on Friday, when I got to spend a whole day with my sister – just the two of us. It is a rareity not to have my nephews demanding her attention! We went for a lovely sunny ride in the morning and then went over to Hickstead horse show in the afternoon. It really was a great day and I feel very lucky to have a sister who I know loves me as much as I love her.

I then had a really nice weekend hanging out with friends and as the sun came out it was extra lovely. Since I have told my friends about me going away it has been a real relief to be myself and I also feel a bit closer to some of them. The weekend was full of gratitude, but as ever my head was full of anorexic thoughts and behaviours. If I didn’t have to factor food into the equation I would be much happier, or at least that is how it seems! Food is such a social part of life that people enjoy and share together.

I do the majority of my eating in isolation… can’t share, won’t share type of thinking. My anorexia does not allow me to participate in something that is second nature to the rest of the world. The world eats to stay alive and most people get pleasure from it, I just feel controlled and punished by it.

Me and a special friend… x

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