4 out of 5 dentists recommend this site

Level 3!

on November 7, 2012

So I reached the next milestone. I am now officially on level 3! It took a lot of work to get here, but in hindsight I am glad I was held back a week. I am more ready for the next phase now, and I feel as though the real work may only just be beginning. This next stage involves more hurdles to jump with regards to eating independently and preparing more of my own food. I feel really ready to embrace the coming weeks, where I will start to practice what it is like living in the big wide world again and not the bubble that has become my home here. The first person I wanted to tell my news to was my mum, so I phoned her (way past her bed-time) and excitedly let her know. It felt good. I feel a sense of pride.

The weeks here seem to fly pass so quickly – the days are long, but the weeks seem to go in a flash. I have begun thinking more and more about what sort of person I want to be in this world. The qualities I want to have and those that I want to find in the people around me. I have grown more self-assured these past few days, more independent and I am demonstrating a more adult woman like behavior as opposed to… and I quote “the homeless child” that arrived here 12 weeks ago. I had crawled into my shell under the spell of the cult of my eating disorder. Today I am beginning to blossom into an adult, with a voice and an opinion that matters.
I have been working on my perspective of fear and how much fear dictates my thinking. When I am fearful I close down, I retreat back into my shell. Many things that come my way are not deserving of the amount of energy I give them. Any disturbance can send me into a spin at times. I am realising though that if I lock myself in my shell, I will never be free of fear, and in turn halt my growth. I am trying to “let go” more and not allow my thoughts to run away with me. How nice would it be to walk through life without a problem on my mind. Quite frankly right now that concept sounds impossible, but I have noticed that the harder I work at not entertaining my thoughts the more joyous the day turns out to be. It takes a conscious effort to decide that I am not going there – that I am going to just let go.
Life is about how we perceive change. The natural ups and downs of life can either help us to grown or create more fear. We all have the power within to decide which will take hold and map our path. I have used fear to protect me and create a world that is comfortable and predictable. Level 3 will no doubt heighten my fear, but that is because it requires me to step out of my comfort zone in all areas and not just with my food. As I get nearer to living in the real world, I will face problems and dilemmas, but it is exactly my attempt to hide myself from problems that creates a new set of problems. Life then becomes a struggle and a fight. I am either trying to figure out how to stop things from happening or figuring out what to do because they happened. I have spent too much time fighting life and not taking it on face value for what it is. What I practice at the clinic is preparation for when I leave here. I want my new life to be full of freedom. Here I am practicing little by little not to be fearful of fear, and to just ‘roll with’ whatever hand I am dealt.

I have been reading a wonderful book that is helping me to realize just how much energy I have wasted on holding on to ‘stuff’. I like the passage below that I read this evening.

Always let go as soon as you’re aware you didn’t. Don’t waste your time. You are a great being who has been given a tremendous opportunity to explore beyond yourself. The whole process is very exciting. You will have good times and bad times. All sorts of things will happen. That’s the fun of the journey. So don’t fall. Let go. The bigger it is, the higher the reward for letting go and the worse the fall if you don’t. You either let go or you don’t. So let all your blockages and disturbances become the fuel for the journey. That which is holding you down can become a powerful force that raises you up. You just have to be will to take the ascent.
Michael A. Singer

5 responses to “Level 3!

  1. What a fabulous post, Laura! This was an absolute joy to read. Well done on getting to the next level. You’ve worked so hard and everyone is very proud of you.
    Keep at it, girl! xxxxx

  2. Muriel says:

    Well done. Great news Laura. Knew you could do it. Your mum is delighted. So glad you told her first as I know how important you are to her. She’s one of the best. More sunshine than clouds now. Lots of love x

  3. Amy says:

    woohooo well done Laura! Must feel great to know you’re no longer a ‘homeless child’! Keep at it, onwards and upwards! Love from me and the ponies xx

  4. Claire Daly says:

    Brilliant Laura! Well

  5. Nat says:

    love you Flickers!! Congratulations xx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: